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[09 Jan 2006|07:42pm] |
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Oh boy, time to start trying to lose weight again...sigh. I guess I should try to eat under 1200 calories, I can't aim for alot less because I'm used to eating like a slob so it just wouldn't work, anddd my days are too busy to be sitting there hungry all the time...maybe in a little. THe gym is my main problem, it is so sad that I can not go as much as I would like. I feel like its impossible and that I need that time to study, but then I do stupid stuff and waste time instead...grrr! like this, this is kinda wasting time, I could be at the gym...well, at least I ate 1160 calories today..first time I counted in a while which is probalby reallyyy good for me cause it would have been BAD...back to studying...hopefully I can keep this up a little at least...and make it to the gym. lata.
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[06 Jun 2005|10:51pm] |
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I feel so gross...I had a drs appt today and I weighed 129 with clothes on, its so gross. I need to lose 10 lbs immediatly and I don't know how to. I see fat on my legs, it might be cellulite like I dont even know, its so gross. Its like the fucking 2nd week of June almost and I just am so horrible at losing weight this summer. I'm so horrible, I was going to go to the gym all day today and there were horrible thunderstorms so of course I didnt and what did I do? I ate instead, its time to get serious i just wish i had enough motivation...i just wish i didnt have to work in the middle of the day i would have sooo much more time to exercise...I' actually thinking about getting up early tomorrow morning to exercise and who knows...maybe go back later too. I think i might actaully....just do the elliptical in the morning, and run in the afternoon, I know I can't run twice if I want a chance at not hurting myself....
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[05 Jun 2005|11:48pm] |
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I did horrendous this weekend, hopefully I'll be able to make up for that this week with running alot every day! I think its just going to be bad, when I go to visit people. I have no control over the fact that every house hold doesn't have low calorie bread, and fat free cheese. Some people just eat normally and of course are still tiny and skinny! blahhhh making it up during the week days I suppose!
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[01 Jun 2005|11:23pm] |
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126 something today...I guesssss it's a litttttleee better than the mortifying 128! and my legs have cellulite, its not cool. I feel like I'm never going to lose this weight...
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[28 May 2005|12:05pm] |
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I ate okay yesterday I think I ate like 1400 calories but it was after coming off of 3 or 4 days of under 800 so I'm not really stressing about it. I went to the bar last night and drank ONE miller light, this amazing for me and my lushness- just 96 calories woo! I also made sure of just one because I wanted to get up and go to my new gym- such a dissapointment! blah! oh well. I'm getting krunked tonight though I think, so the cals are gonna be up there, but I haven't in awhile so its my little treat! haha I would try to eat little today so I could get drunk faster and stuff but right now I am freaking starvingggg from working out I think, so im gonna go eat now, and where I'm getting drunk is like a picnic so theres gonna be lots of food- metabolism boosting day? haha I can use that excuse until June 1st when I start the 28 day plan...then its just going to be called a BIG FAT ZERO POINT DAY.
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[26 May 2005|09:55am] |
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I ended up eating so little yesterday, like under 800 which is the first time I've done that in forever! I also ended up with a massive headache, which I still have but I'm not really sure if it's from lack of cafeeine or what...800 doesn't seem low enough to cause any sort of headache, and I had eaten a small but very balenced dinner before I went to the mall and felt like a total lard ass. I think that I can try to eat well for 3 days and its going to make this massive difference- I'm so dumb like that. My first goal is to fit into my seven jeans I bought on ebay. I got a size 27 bc it said it was equivalent to a 4...well I defintely should have gotten a 28, but I guess it gives me something to work for. ALso my love handle fat is falling over the top of like alllll my favorite abercrombie jeans and thats just no good. I defintely notice a difference in the flatness of my stomache over the past week. I don't think it has ANYTHING to do with food though...its totally from not getting completely shit faced in 2 weeks...I drank 2 weeks straight, and it went straight to my middle, and ass, and thighs. hopefully it will come off easily. I'm so pumped for next Wednesday, June 1st! just because I start my new slave wages job full time, AND its the start of the new month and I can start my new little 28 day plan! i said i was going to do it on my own, but i'm not at all. I'm keeping track of my food in fit day...but that would be it. ahhh, I'm so upset about my boyfriend, I don't know what is going on. He didn't call me before bed after our fight...the worst feeling for me is waking up either in the middle of the night or even in the morning, and realizing that he didnt call me. Yesterday I wanted to break up with him, mostly to teach him a lesson...not for real I guess in retrospect. Its so hard, now even my parents were like why don't you just break up with him and get it over with. I think its because I sound so casual about our fights, like I'm so pissed but not hurt or upset, and I don't care if we break up...which is not the case. And I'm so weird about being touchy feely in front of relatives or in public, and I don't know why. Like my parents even said that we look like we're freinds because we never touch and that hurts I guess...just because I love him so much. On a postive note, I got out the ingredients to make my little egg sandwhich today and felt sick just thinking about eating it, so I ate not even a whole serving of dry honey nut cheerios instead..I'm assuming it is because I'm so upset about stuff. oh my...hoepfully I can sort this out before the weekend and he'll come visit me still....isn't it ironic that I'm the one so upset about this yet I started the whole fight because I was pissed off....I'm such an idiot sometimes...
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[25 May 2005|05:47pm] |
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It's almost 6 and I've only eaten 310 calories today...mostly because I didn't eat anything till 2:30 though. Boy troubles and skinny bitches trouble....both should motivate me to exercise but no. Only 2 more days till my new gym opens wahhh hooo! i dont really want to eat anything for dinner, a day of this shrinks my stomache and makes me less hungry for a long time till I overeat again. I haven't drank since last saturday and I'm most likely dirnking this saturday so thats a 2 week spread. I'm totally going to the gym saturday before I go out too. I got invited to go out with some people I haven't seen in like years on friday night, but i think i want to be in tip top shape to work out hard core saturday morning, not to mention keep tabs on any boyfriend/skinny bitch hang outs that may occur. God it makes me ill. Lets hope I eat nothing all night!
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[25 May 2005|10:21am] |
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I did much better yesterday, eating like 1300 or so, and they may have even been an overestimation because I ate quesidillas and accounted for insane amounts of fat free sour cream and stuff- just because I would rather over estimate than under estimate. I don't think I'm going to have much of an appetite today, and we can leave that at that. Yesterday I really dind't do any exercise so my 1300 caloeies probably is totatlly equal to my 1600 with exercise and that kinda makes me ill. I need to get these down...2 summers ago I did between 800-1200 with excessive exercise, I dont see the excessive exercise coming too easily but maybe I can build up to that again. I have so much anger right now, I should really tunnel it towards working out but I'm probably totally going to just lie in bed and watch dawsons creek...I'm such a dork.
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[24 May 2005|02:12pm] |
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yesterday didn't work out as well as I had hoped but it wasn't a complete mess either. I did the advanced pilates workout and thats like 45ish min. and I ended up eating like 1600 calories which is NOT good but my parents got these 370 calories burgers (not including bun) even though i told them to buy me a box of turkey burgers- assholes! but the burger was good and i ate it all and i was not expecting to eat an 800 calorie dinner like I did..I'm sure it wont be the same today. I'm doing pretty well with the water drinking because I get those sparkling flavor waters and they're like 33 oz so when i finish one I can fill it up with ragular water or get another, and its really easy to keep track of. It's sooo gross out, i want to go outside and run, but yeah too nasty. In other news I don't know whats going on with my boyfriend, I saw him this weekend and everything was great when I left, but i feel like hes blowing me off...just because he didnt call me sunday night or last night before he went to bed which he knows i like him to do! he called me during a fucking commercial break of 24...ohhh good. I dont know its probably because he saw me and i looked fatter than a week before, and even if thats not it, Ill just say that too make myself feel sickened by every piece of food I eat. I should be in pretty good shape to start the 28 day plan in June hardcore...yes!
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| home for summer= drastic weight loss |
[23 May 2005|09:56am] |
Ok here we go...I'm home, not sharing a room with a roommate, not sharing my computer with whoever feels like being on it. It's time that I can do this again without having to worry about people being like what the hell? the alone time couldn't have come at a better time too, I'm coming off like weeks of not so good eating and horrendous drinking- so fun, yet the calories most defintely are not. I'm excited to be able to post like every day now, it keeps my in check...one little downside, I think I'm not going to be here alot on weekends because of visiting the my favorite college people and of course the bf. I'm just gonna join in the 28 day thing for the rest of May...all 8 or whatever days haha...I'll start the calories higher than lower than for June, then maybe again for July, we'll see how it's going! I'm sooo excited I joined a new gym for the summer, like BRAND NEW! but it doesnt open till next saturday so I'm kinda screwed till then because it is one disgusting raining cold mess outside...I've got pilates I guess!
So for the rest of May for the 28 day plan thing I'm thinking...Calories up to 1200 for full credit, 1400 for half...work out: anything thats cardio (since I can't get into my gym tyet!) for full credit...pilates/weight lifting for half credit. Water blah blah blah normal...and I forget the rest of the stuff but since I think I'm just doing it in my own journal till June it doesnt really matter too much I guess...just food, exercise, and water. Ramble, ramble...I'm done.
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[23 Feb 2005|12:50pm] |
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I'm back on here because it makes me sooo much more aware of what I eat, and that I can be thin since this is what I did 2003 summer and looked amazing. Mostly I decided I needed to do soemthing because spring break is in 2 weeks- Panama City BABY!! so this will make me feel a little better about being around ALL the skinny girls that decided they needed to seriously get bathing suit ready back on Janurary 1st. I think i weight around 125 right now. I'm holding off weighing myself for a week on the 28 day plan so we'll see! If I could get down to 120 by March 5th that would be fine with me. Also is march sometime I'm going to see these usually skinyy girls, that i am supposeing still are, and I want to look just as good if not better, so yeah, I'm doing the good diet for 2 weeks, messing it up at SB and then back on as soon as I get back! Anyway got class soon, peace
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[18 Jun 2004|06:55pm] |
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So one of my friends started doing low carbs monday and she weighed herself today and told me she lost 4lbs...I'm so jealous! so as I ate pizza for dinner the last two nights- no choice, it was job training- I feel like a fat ass and she loses 4lbs...I need to stay 20lbs lighter than her, I don't know why but I neeeeeed to. And I just feel like such a fucking oger all the time...Like I just want to be tiny and look small next to people and I'm not that tall (5'7") but I'm taller than alot of people so I can never be that way...I think I would have to lose like 15 lbs to look small and have people realize it and it is all I want! there was this girl in the elevator with me, not like ridiculously skinny but she was just short and little and it made me so sad because I know that if I held my arm up next to hers mine would be MASSIVE- ick! need to do well this weekend, I have a new diet plan I'm working on- if it works next wendesday after a week, I'll be sure to post it in case anyone else wants to try it...and now off to my weekend of all studying- kill me!
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[15 Jun 2004|07:02pm] |
I went below 120 yay! 119.6 yesterday morning, I drank last night and I didn't weight myself this morning before I ate, so I'm just hoping that I'm still under 120 tomorrow. I didn't eat under 800 today, but I did eat under 1000 so I'm still happy. I'm going to set my alarm and get up early tomorrow to exercise even though I totally suck at exercsing in the mornng cuz I need to get back on track with that and my next 2 weeks are so busy that I think if I say I'm going to exercise later in the day I never will cuz I'll be too busy doing other stuff.
This is going to sound all sorts of bitter, but my roommate just started doing low carb, and I don't think she knows how little calories shes eating, its making me sooo jealous! And I know shes going to lose alot of weight if she can really stick it out- I don't know if she'll be able to or not, but I just won't be able to handle it if she loses alot of weight and everyones like oh my god you look so good, I'll be sooo jealous. maybe I can use it for motivation to lose more weight so people will notice mine too, but I doubt they will. I need to kick it into high gear if I want to be 112 by July 3rd, its only 18 days away...7 lbs in 18days, thatsss gonna be rough, hopefully its still reasonable! anyway, gotta eat alot less tomorrow!
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[13 Jun 2004|10:49am] |
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120.4 this morning...the weight is coming off SO slowly, grr...but I think its not just water weight, because my %body fat has been going down too...i know that its not the most accurate thing, but it has been varying bt 22-23% for the last few months and the past weekish, since I've been eating alot less and exercising more, its been near 21%. When I get to under 21 the little (-) pops back up, for being under the recommended body fat for my height and stuff! yay! but I have little boobs, so really I don't think I'm under till I get to about 18%...which I was last summer! grrr. But if I am infact gaining muscle that is another reason for my weight to be coming off so slowly...I don't know I lost 1 pound exactly in 4 days, thats not the fastest...I have 20 days til my cut off for my goal weight of 112...If I stay at 1 lb per 4 days, I'll lose 5...and be at 115, that would be alright I guess, for now. Then keep it coming!
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[12 Jun 2004|11:13pm] |
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I ate just over 1000 calories today...I ate a bag of the new 94% fat free kettle corn popcorn, sooo good! but I wasn't even hungry when I ate it, I was just watching a movie and taking a study break and I had only eaten 700 something calories, and since it was my last bag figured its better to eat it when I've done well all day then when I binged. I'm doing so well this weekend and go figure I'm here by myslef...luckily I am next weekend too, and then I'm going home the following weekend. I don't have much of an appetite at all the past few days, I think its because I'm under like MEGA stress...I'm applying to graduate schools, 9 actaully, and its so expensive, my job this summer I work like 1 day a week if I'm lucky, I feel bad bc my brother just graduated and now in the fall my parents are going to have 3 kids in college, and like in 2 weeks I'm going to have to shell over $1000 to apply to thses schools. ahhh and I'm taking my admission test soon, so evennnnn more stress- these next 2 weeks are going to suck. I need money like whoa...I think I'm going to have to work this fall- boo! But anyway, enough about my real problems- all this stress decreasing my appetite is very likely to help me reach my goal weight of 112lbs by July 3rd so yay! I weighed 120.8 this morning, I don't feel thin at all, so I may weigh more that that tomorrow, I feel so full out fat actaully, its gross. Oh well more studying now- seriously just want July to get here, all this crap will be over!
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[10 Jun 2004|06:40pm] |
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I'm so proud, I ate under 700 calories today without even trying, its great! and since I'm not sitting here listening to my stomache grumble it doesn't make me worry I'm being unhealthy! I just ended up not eating lunch because I was at the gym and then I came home and showered, and I really don't have lunch food either. So i did stuff and ended up eating dinner at like 5:30 and I'm like absolutly full still so awesome! I have a really bad headache right now though that kinda really sucks but I think it might be from caffeine rather than not enough food, esp since I JUST ate....I think I'm going to try to limit my carbs...I found out my mom lost 18lbs just from doing that and I was like whoa, yeah. I've always been so anti-atkins monstly because I love carbs....but theres so many alternatives now that I think I might give it a shot, not counting them like I count my calories but like just choosing the lower carb alternatives...like getting a wrap at subway rather than a sub etc. And hopefully that will be great and I'll lose the weight I want by 3 weeks from saturday! I did fitdays little lbs per week breakdown...its only 2.8 lbs per week to get to 112 by July 3rd...I would LOVE to see that, but I've never been that low, and I think once I get to 117 or so its just gonna like hit a brick wall of weight loss since my body won't be used to it. We shall see
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[09 Jun 2004|11:14pm] |
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gonna be seeing my fav boy 3 weeks from saturday- without a doubt! majorrr motivation for some serious serious restricting and exercise. Today was amazing- I didn't eat the wonderfully, however my last meal was at 2pm and I'm not even hungry. It is spectactular! I don't really know how much weight I can really even lose in 3 weeks, I just want to look awesome, so I'll try!
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[05 Jun 2004|03:28pm] |
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My best friends bday was yesterday- it is absolutly disgusting and astounding how much I ate. I decided really early in the day that it was going to be my "fat day" and was it ever! I feel so disgusting now! I'm going to make up for it today though...and for the rest of my life because I must be very skinny in a month! ahhh!
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[01 Jun 2004|06:57pm] |
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Stayed on track today, woo! I ate over 800...but only like 850 AND I ran 3.5 miles today, so I'm feeling spectactular! I was thinking about what I eat today, and I'm not really ever hungry and like, oh I can't eat. I eat and am satisfied all the time, and I just make sure that it is looowww calories. Its just funny cuz someone not obsessed with everything that goes into their mouth could be eating like 800 calories too and yet no one would think they have food issues! I guess the everyday obsessing and posting and blah blah blah lends itself too.
If anyone that reads my jornal is also in the community Ana Bella...thats why I stopped posting in there- I don't have an eating disorder, I have obsessive issues, but I don't like to be hungry, I enjoy eating...I never had my mom threaten me for not eating, because simply I never not eat. I enjoy food, I just HATE going over 1000 calories. SO I don't...my issues are all vanity related, not control of not eating and what not...and thats why I really just felt like I shouldn't be posting. Now of course I still read everyones entries and comment and stuff, because I'm defintely pro ana if you have the will power, I'm just not ana. And I think A LOT of people in there are the same way as me, and a lot really have a sickness. Well that was my little thought of the day I suppose haha...think thin!
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[01 Jun 2004|08:52am] |
After eating 800 yesterday, doing like 300-400 crunches and 2 seconds of arms I went from 125.6 to 123.0...thank GOD i got out of that 125...I know that its because I ate so pathetically badly on saturday that I was up that high to begin with, but really I don't care...2.6lbs in 24 hours is enough to motivate anyone to stay under 800 for a few days in a row! and last night I got hungry, I drank water, oh hell yes! haha it would be awesome if I could get under 120 by the end of the week.
I remember the first time I was 119 something last summer, and I just felt so amazing...I was alot more muscle at that point though. I have a body fat measurer/scale I got for my bday last year, and I remember the first time I used it I was like 121 and 16.8% body fat. It ranged from like that to 18 or 19...but it always had a little (-) next to it, meaning I was under 'normal' for being a 20 yr old girl and stuff. And like in comparison today it was 22%...and it ALWAYS has a little (0) next to it..meaning normal range- I HATE being normal range anything so guess I'm gonna have to work my ass off to gain more muscle too. But anyway, seeing 119 now wouldn't be as exciting, I tink it would take 115 to get a rise out of me....110 to make me happy for the whole summer...just want to be tiny!
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